How many of you have ever had an experience where you were not able to forgive? What did it feel like? How many of you have every said or did something to a friend or loved one that they were not able to forgive? How does that feel like? As a child I was cared for by many members of my family due to my parents being in college and later because of their separation. At the age of nine I had what my teachers of Evolutionary Astrology call a soul's initiation. A series of traumatic events that left me powerless, resentful and unforgiving.
In the last 9 yrs I have gotten away from traditional forgiveness and into the non-traditional, Wholly Forgiveness. A few distinctions: Traditional Forgiveness uses the evidence of our five senses and then our intellect to come to the conclusion that we have been wronged.
Wholly Forgiveness, "NOTHING wrong happened and that consequently,
there is nothing to forgive. We can put it like this:
With TRADITIONAL FORGIVENESS , the willingness
to forgive is present but so is the residual
need to condemn. Therefore victim consciousness
is maintained and nothing changes.
With RADICAL FORGIVENESS , the willingness
to forgive is present but NOT the need to condemn.
Therefore the victim consciousness is dropped,
and everything changes.
(Victim Consciousness is defined as the conviction
that someone else has done something bad to you, and
as a direct result, they are responsible for the lack of
peace and happiness in your life).
Different Worlds — Different Perspectives
Traditional forgiveness should not be seen as being
inferior to Radical Forgiveness. It is simply different.
When used in the context of a certain set of beliefs —
beliefs that are firmly rooted in the physical world and
in everyday human reality, traditional forgiveness is the
only form of forgiveness possible and has great value
in its own right. It calls upon the finest of human qualities
and characteristics, such as compassion, mercy,
tolerance, humility and kindness. Joan Borysenko calls
forgiveness “the exercise of compassion.”
Radical Forgiveness is different from traditional forgiveness
because it is rooted in the metaphysical reality
of the world of Spirit — that which I call the World of
Divine Truth" Colin Tipping
I am not denying experiences and their pain but Wholly Forgiveness begins with a shift what is being seen. Colin Tipping's work taught me a great deal these tools to see another point of view. The biggest step is to completely feel the pain fully in order to transform the energy of victimization. This seems to be a theme in our collective. First we get to have acceptance that all is divinely created for us to evolve on a soul level. Life happens to us" as they say. For me, seeing the strength it took to have made it through such experiences vs. feelings of being punished was a huge shift in gaining my power back. Seeing it as a gift that brought me the ability to empathize with others in time of pain. I began to see there was no one to blame and there had been nothing wrong, only the unfolding of my soul. Wholly Forgiveness shows another layer that was empowering and motivated me to keep aligned with being the victor. In Native American traditions this is the medicine of the hawk. Rising above the mundane to see the big picture. Miguel Ruiz calls this not taking life personal, the first of his Four Agreements in the Toltec Tradition. In Judo Christian stories of Jesus we have a powerful demonstration of transforming the victim archetype. In one way, individually and collectively, Wholly Forgiveness contains a key to set us free from this psychic hold on our freedom which lies in this victim consciousness.
I adored my mother and wanted always to please her no matter if I lost myself in the process. She was a horse trainer and crazy about her horses. I would check out all books about horses and do my best to get her attention in this way. She painted, I practiced drawing in between studies. No matter how hard I attempted she constantly pushed me away. She got really angry and mean in some of these interactions while throwing away a birthday card I once made for her. I just couldn't get it. It took me until the last two years with Tippings work. If she had not rejected me so with such extreme behavior I would have never left Tennessee. I would have never lived in California, Japan, Paris, Hawaii, Washington and now here. Part of this work is also to forgive myself for judging her for restricting my life with such rigid structures. To fully feel this I get to go through all the areas of forgiveness. Once I came to these realization the next level to Wholly forgiveness and free myself from these beliefs. There was radically nothing ever wrong to begin with but I had mentally created them to be.
Here are some examples of clearings from my reactions to the traditional forgiveness mindset where I believed I was unlovable, unworthy and had judgments and more beliefs around how I was treated:
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging her for not allowing me to follow my bliss, to have any needs met, make mistakes, think for myself or have the ability to be capable of anything on my own. I forgive myself for hating this part of my life, myself and judging her for her judging me. I forgive myself for judging myself for hating myself and saying that I am not worthy. I forgive myself for judging myself for judging my mom for not seeing me, tending to and allowing my needs to exist and be met. In these examples the work is about forgiving oneself for the judging of oneself and others for those experience of deep pain.
" Because we may not always see the spiritual messages to our discomfort
We don't often see it from this Wholly Forgiveness
perspective. Rather, we judge the situation
and blame others for what is happening, which prevents
us from seeing the message or understanding the lesson.
This prevents us from healing. If we don’t heal
whatever needs to be healed, we must create more
discomfort until we are literally forced to ask, ‘What is
going on here?' Sometimes the message has to become
very loud, or the pain extremely intense, before
we pay attention. A life-threatening illness, for example,
provides a loud message" Paraphrased by Colin Tipping, "Radical Forgiveness"
I realize it's not easy to see such challenges as gifts since that is not how we are taught how to think. We are not taught to ask "look what I have created in my life". Neither are we taught that what is happening is something other than our conscious minds. Addictions are used for our soul growth as a gift. Recognizing
this fact is what Wholly Forgiveness. The core beliefs that we hold are creating the experiences and dynamics to make our belief true. If we feel "not enough" then for example we may attract relationships where are partners use their addictions to sex and go after other partners in order to play out your belief. This experience when seen on that deeper level may be a sign to work on the "not being enough" . We create our realities conscious or unconscious. Our hidden beliefs eventually begin to show up to match our reality. "Your soul knows it must heal that belief so it conspires with another soul to bring awareness and healing. We can heal and grow or "be right" about being wronged and not forgive, therefore prolonging the self-love and freedom.
Drama is the notification that beneath what seems to be
happening on the surface, something else much more
meaningful — and potentially very supportive — is going
on. This is the trickiest part of the process. I find that when I write out my experiences that time away from the dynamic and allowing it to "air" out will bring the insight to what is indeed hidden deeper.
In the beginning if you just can't seem to see anything underneath what you see, Just being willing to entertain the idea that something else is going on is a giant step forward. In surrendering in just a consideration you're letting go to the Divine (Love, The Goodness, God) to do the rest of the work."
"We come into the physical life experience with a
mission: to fully experience a particular energy pattern
so we can feel the feelings associated with
4 that pattern and then transform that energy through
love."
"Traditional Forgiveness depends entirely upon our
own capacity to feel compassion, so it is limited in
this regard. No matter how much compassion or tolerance
we muster for someone like Hitler, and no matter
how much we empathize with the pain of his upbringing,
nothing enables us to forgive him (using traditional
forgiveness) for the mass murder of six million
Jews. Radical Forgiveness has no limits whatsoever
and is completely unconditional. If Radical
Forgiveness cannot forgive Hitler, it can forgive
nobody. Like unconditional love, it’s all or
nothing ; the Ego and our personality-self
call the shots. Hence, the problem always
appears “out-there” with someone else
TF does not factor in the notion
of a spiritual mission and maintains its belief in,
and fear of, death. Radical Forgiveness sees death
as an illusion and takes the view that life is eternal.
Radical Forgiveness, the finger points the other
way — the problem lies “in here,” with me. In this way we are responsible for life and learn to be more aware."
This uses direct quotes from Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness in between my stories~ Hope this helps. You can find his full book online~
with explanations or by making excuses for the person
we are forgiving. For example, we might say
about our parents, "My father abused me because
he was abused by his own parents. He was doing
the best he could." Forgiveness should be about letting
go of the past and refusing to be controlled by it.
If an explanation helps one to let go, it might be helpful
to that extent, though an explanation does not remove
the idea that something wrong happened.
Therefore, at best, it can only be traditional forgiveness.
It also possesses a certain right-eousness,
which may mask anger. On the other hand, understanding
why someone did what they did and having
empathy for them connects us again to our own imperfection
and opens the door to feeling compassion
and mercy — leading to a higher vibration of traditional
forgiveness but still falling short of Radical Forgiveness.
Navaho Forgiveness Ritual
I once heard Caroline Myss describe the ritual that the
Navaho Indians had for preventing woundology from becoming
an addictive pattern. While they certainly recognized
the need for people to speak of their wounds
and to have them witnessed by the group, they understood
that speaking about their wounds gave the
wounds power, especially when done to excess. Therefore,
if a person had a wound or a grievance to share,
the tribe would meet and the person could bring it to
the circle. This person was allowed to air his grievance
three times and everyone listened with empathy
and compassion. On the fourth occasion, however, as
the person came into the circle, everyone turned their
backs. “Enough! We have heard you express your concern
three times. We have received it. Now let it go.
We will not hear it again,” they said. This served as a
powerful ritual of support for letting go of past pain."
